It was 10 years ago about this time, almost a decade ago nearing the wuquf day or Arafah Day, I remember those blessed moments …..SubhanaLlah
I remembered this special day like it had just happened yesterday. On Arafah Day, by the Rahmah of our beloved Allah, on that Day i was in my sujood – praying to our beloved Allah. I left my world behind…. answering Allah’s call for me to submit in haj in the sacred lands.
My journey to Allah was miraculous. The feeling was so sudden that I decided to perform my haj only just 2 weeks before the Arafah day itself. I remembered informing my mother that i wanted to go with her to perform my haj pilgrimage.
She must have requested the haj agency to include me! Which in fact i did not make any necessary travel preparations or arrangements! SubhanalLah all of a sudden i was informed that my name was on the list. How great and wonderful! Allahu Akbar.
SubhanaLlah. AlhamduliLlah It was so easy! I did not have to wait years or wait in que. Allah made it easy for me because i realized that He listed this poor humble servant of His amongst His selected guests. Alhamdulillah. Thank You Allah, I beg for Your forgiveness that I am unable to submit my Shukoor for all the bounties that You have bestowed on me.
Allah I beg for Your forgiveness that I cannot thank You enough for what You have granted me ya Allah, AsthghfiruLlah.
During that particular time, my personal life was also in turmoil, i had to leave my 3 young children behind, I had to leave them to Allah’s boundless protection and give them my full tawakkal into Allah’s care. I have turned to Allah just to come closer to Allah seeking for His Redha.
I have decided my journey, in an answering to the decrees of Allah, everything happen according to His Qadha and Qadar. My eldest child was just about 8, my second was about 5 and my youngest was about 2 years old which was when i had just completed nursing her. I left them all with Allah because He is the ultimate Carer and the Protector for all. This is a true sacrifice of a mother’s soul. I have never left my children for a day before this and not even for an overnight. Allahu Akbar.
I remembered on the Day of wuquf, I asked for Allah to solve certain issues of my family life and relationship……..which now i have realized, the true love is only the love of Allah….that a person’s true love is submitted only for the sake of Allah. So instead of Allah changing the person’s heart and love, Allah changed mine to love Allah more instead, Alhamdulillah, Allah answered my Dua and i could fall in love with Allah. Definately Allah, The Owner Of Our Hearts, hence begins my soulful and spiritual journey towards Allah and my deeper Relationship With Allah ‘swt’.
Then after that realization do i understand that in our human relationship and love for each other must be for the sake of Allah. Only then can that love and relationship be genuine.
In that eventful year itself, when I came back, after performing my haj pilgrimage, another heart wrenching moment took place. My family relationship had not been successful ….. and I had to beg for Allah for the best solution. Finally out of Allah’s Mercy, He granted me the solution.
Sacrifices And Performing Sacred Haj, What Does It Mean? This is the true sacrifice that i had to endure that i realized when i performed my sacred haj. The sacrifice which i had to make was letting go of the father of my children and my partner in marriage after 11 years. It felt like i had to rip my heart out and detach a part of my limb. Only Allah knows the internal and emotional pain that i felt and i had to go through. But Allah knows best. SubhanaLlah.
With Allah’s Guidance, i began to heal but probably will never heal like before. However i trust in Allah with my heart as He knows best. Alhamdulilllah.
Only Allah knows all, everything happened according to His will – qadha and qadar and wishes, for example
• Allah decides and grants the sacred call and invitation to go to BaithuLlah to perform the haj to whom He wishes.
• Allah swt certainly grant us the best for us as He only knows what is best for us not what we wish or want.
• Only He knows what is best for us for our future
Those who have been invited during this chronic calamity of corona virus are the real chosen ones….. Subhana Allah they are exremely lucky and honoured guests indeed! These are Allah’s secret of the sacred haj.
May Allah reopen the doors of Makkah Al Mukarramah and Madinah Al Munawarah and invite all of us to become His honoured and special guests again. Ameen Ya Allah Ameeen.
Realization Of My Soul 